What's "help" in German?

No, the answer isn't "helfen" - that won't get you a stretcher or a fireman. The answer is unhelpfully two numbers: 110 (police) and 112 (ambulance & fire services). Post-it. Fridge magnet. And you're safe. 

It was only upon slicing into my finger with a kitchen knife that it suddenly struck me I hadn't a bloody clue what Germany's 999 was. For someone that's pretty savvy with a blade I have to blame this on my romantic interest who'd provoked a blush of embarrassment whilst I was slicing an onion. Blood is so dramatic, but it this case it was just jazz hands and a bit of dancing, no gory Greek tragedy. Still, if I'd gone past the nail bed and hit bone it would have been a different story. A story I hope I won't be recounting here as I've since decided to eat out instead of cooking at home. It's much safer and feeds blog and belly!   

The green man blues

We're all taught from moment we begin to walk unaided that crossing the road means waiting for the green man, because mummy says the cars stop and allow us to cross safely, right? You liar woman! Not here in Germany they don't. The green man means that motorists only get half-points for knocking you down, so do they really want to bother with the hassle of blood and broken teeth on their windscreen?

Yep, the green man's on but cars are still allowed to turn, and frequently do whilst you're on the crossing (albeit you've only just started making your way across the road). I'm a paranoid crosser, and find this law most unnerving. Especially at night, when I'm inevitably in a dark-coloured coat and wonder how on earth motorists can see me to make the decision whether it's safe for them (!) to turn the corner or not. So watch out!

[And when I lived in Weimar they used to switch off all the traffic lights at 9pm!! Not my idea of "fun with the lights off". ]