Room The Third

After an miserable month sharing with someone unwilling to share anything but her disapproval, I decided this was the one for me: a flat of my own. Yes, it was a lot more than I'd expected to pay, but it was absolutely worth it.

The area was not far from the first place (Neukölln) although a little further north in what most widely know as Reuterkiez. I later found out when looking for something more permanent that it's one of the most sought after neighbourhood in Berlin, with its clutch of obscure bars and lower than average prices.

Ich bin ein Berliner

When you move to or around Germany you are required to register your address with Big Brother. In Berlin you're given 4 weeks to wave the official hello at the beauraucrats. Not everyone abides by the rules of course, but should you require proof of where you live for a contract etc., this is unfailingly want they'll want to see. And as far as Germany's compulsory health insurance goes, it also marks your card as officially resident here - if you intend to live the 'schwarz' life you need to know the rules before ignoring them.

Registration has all excitement of pairing socks, but at least you can do that from home. Set aside a morning to visit a Bürgeramt which administers the area in which you live. Here's a link to help you find yours. Download this form, fill out as much as you can and take it with you along with your passport and the details of your landlord.

When I turned up I showed my form at reception and they bossily pointed out the bits I'd missed as well as giving me 2 other forms I needed to complete in order to have the registration processed. DO NOT declare a Christian religion unless you want to pay an extra 10% tax. 

My trip began in the scrum of people waiting for the office to open. In darkness anyone would have thought it was Berlin's hottest new club night. It's actually a cross between a meat counter and waiting to see the headmaster: you take a ticket and wait to be called into a erry office.

Despite my early arrival I was 37th in line and even well oiled bureaucratic wheels turn slowly. It was 1 1/2 hours before I eventually reached my Kafkaesque destination. Expect no pleasantries, just a 5 minute concerto of keyboard clatter before your Anmeldebestätigung is printed off and stamped. You are now a Berlin resident and can authoritatively say 'Ich bin ein Berliner'.

Tip: If your paperwork isn't in order but you can sort it out the same day, you can return to the official without having to queue again. Just knock and enter.

Room the Second

This was an all-inclusive place I got from craigslists. 350 for the month, with 350 deposit. Looks lovely, I think you'll find. But it taught me that the most important thing in your home environment is not a large bedroom, high ceilings and wooden floor - but the person/miserable thief that you share with. I was refunded only 120 of my deposit "for leaving the radiator on". Stuffed.  

Top tip: when you move in, get the terms for the return of your deposit in writing. That 120 took almost 3 months to return to my wallet, sobbing at the loss of its 230 friends. 

Ask flat out

Save on anxiety, disappointment, unexpected expense not to mention stress by asking a few leading questions upfront when you inquire about a room/flat.

• Is it WARM (all inclusive)? If it's not you're going to want to know exactly what the Nebenkosten are going to be (that's everything else minus the rent). 

• Does it have central heating (Zentralheizung)? Categorically don't go near anything that doesn't if you're renting over the winter. Unrenovated places may seem attractively cheap but it's likely that the heating is via what's called an Ofen. It looks like a ceramic wardrobe and is about as much use. Nuff said. You need to feed it coal, which could mean going down several flights of stairs and outside, to hump said coal back up the stairs, in the vain hope that within a couple of hours your room temperature might push double digits. For 20 minutes. 

• Does it have a proper over-bath shower? Many bathrooms do not. You end up squatting in the bath like a dog, shuffling about trying to soap and rinse a hard-to-reach undercarriage.

• Are there local shops, and how local is “local”? Many areas here are pretty poor for near-by conveniences. If it doesn’t pass the FBB test (fags, booze & bread), be careful. For me at least, it’s a big irritant if I can’t get basics on my doorstep.

• Obviously, good transport links are vital for a successful social life. Check these carefully.

• Does it have a living room? Many WGs forego this to keep the rent low, as in some UK student houses. Will not having somewhere other than your own room do your head in?

• What do you mean by “kein Zweck-WG”? This is frequently stated, and means something like “it’s not a ships-in-the-night kinda place”, ie they want an environment where members of the WG interact. But does that mean a chat over a beer at the kitchen table or back-rubs over the kitchen table and naked Twister every Sunday 6-9?

• Finally, if you can, check the price with a Berliner – they’ll let you know if you’re being taken for a ride. Give them the area, the room size, and if it’s Warm or Kalt. Be sure to thank them with an invitation to Twister on Sunday. 

Won't you stay a while...?

Finding somewhere to stay in Berlin is pretty easy given the oversupply of places and the trusting nature of people here. I'll deal with hostels in another post, but for those wanting to stay for a few weeks or a few months then you'll want something a bit more stable, private and most of all cheap.

There's a big ex-pat community here, and that's where your best chance is of getting something short-term, as often it seems people go off travelling or back to their home country for extended periods. Best of all for me was craigs lists which has the added advantage of being mainly in English (as it started in the States). You may also want to try reading or posting an ad in the main ex-pat magazine, Exberliner. It's free, s0 why not. Toytown Germany is a mine of information and also carries a few ads.

Now be careful, as there are people on there taking the piss with their prices, and it's best have a clear idea about what's good value and what's not. You should expect to pay a bit of a premium for the freedom of not being bound by a contract. However not too much. Any Berliner will be able to tell you if it's a stupid price for the room size/location. Cheapest is to get a shared flat (a WG) that's inclusive of most bills ("Warm" as they say), but sometimes a 2 room flat isn't much more if you want privacy.

This is another great site for what are generally longer term rentals. It imaginatively called WG Gesucht (see what they did there?). Because of the way you can sort ads by area, it gave me a good idea about what costs what, where. Don't be surprised to find a lack of pictures, which is a massive frustration. People: cameras are now ubiquitous - use them!

Room The First

This is the room I'm staying in for my first week. I got it from craigslist and it's costing me 25 euro per night. A room in a dorm is about 18 euro. I figure for the extra 7 euro I get the luxury of not sharing with 3 loudmouth Australians who want to rape anything with size 7 shoes and below. And an internet connection that doesn't cost as much per hour as a round of drinks in Norway.

As you can see it has a slight shabby-chic that was perfectly clean. Even though I did have concerns about the cat...when it tried to crawl into my bed. It hadn't even asked for a kiss yet. Clearly French, like the owners of the flat. There's also a little collection of vintage Barbies in the kitchen. Or should that be kitsch-en?! (Oh wow, aren't I the wit?!?!) 

One criticism I have, and this is as much my attitude problem as theirs - but I feel as though I'm intruding on their lives. Which I am, but I'm paying for them to suffer me being there. Still, it's quiet, warm and I love the area. Shops, shops, shops!   

lol - i watn 2 seexy u